Excerpts from Alumni and Student Narratives

“Difficult day today. We are stopping new cancer patients' induction into the hospital system. Surgeries are being postponed. Clinics being cancelled. Setting up a new temporary Corona unit. Five codes announced in the hospital today. Two were patients with suspected corona who came to the hospital for testing and collapsed. Did a consent discussion with a young pancreatic cancer patient who was scheduled for a surgery which has been postponed for two months. She can not afford surgery anywhere else even if available. One of my colleagues whose husband is also a doctor and who will likely go frontline once the Corona unit starts discussed with me the lack of options for her 9 year old son if they both die…”

- Mariam Hassan, PGD alumnus (2010), Lahore, Pakistan

“The woman is gasping for oxygen, she needs intubation. There is no separate ICU for such patients, the designated space is full of patients. Suddenly, one hears the words, “Shift her to another hospital.” But this is a tertiary care facility, where will she go? To the designated hospital which has been given funds by the government. The administrator asks the resident not to write the diagnosis. She gives him a sharp look and says “Do you mean to let the frontline healthcare workers, from paramedics to medical staff, get infected?” She puts her foot down, she will write the diagnosis in the summary. I’m watching from the other end, praising her internally. Meanwhile the attendants keep changing the story: she had these symptoms from the beginning of pregnancy, the elder brother has also had these symptoms for the last 2 months. They beg and plead saying, “Please do not send her away!” Now I understand the meaning of stigmatization. A resident brings a N95 respirator mask, and pleads that I wear it too.”

- Nazli Hossein, PGD alumnus (2014), MBE alumnus (2017), Karachi, Pakistan

“Working in the Corona triage and then in a busy emergency room, we were encouraged by our Medical Superintendent who called us ‘frontline healthcare workers’.  But after work, instead of feeling like a frontline worker, I felt like a factory of viruses ready to put my loved ones at risk. Hugging and kissing my own children felt like a sin and till I sanitized myself, all they could hear was ‘Don’t come near or touch Mama’.”

- Shanza Agha, PGD student (2020) Karachi, Pakistan

“Media worldwide is not only highlighting the spread of pandemics but also portraying health care professionals (HCPs) as superhuman martyrs: their sole duty is to serve ailing humanity, forgetting about their chance of contracting infection and the subsequent risk of carrying it back to their loved ones. ‘Supererogatory’ is very cool to fantasize but extremely difficult to execute if you are working as a technician on a contract that requires renewal after every six months and have 6 or more family members to support.”

- Rafia Tabassum, PGD alumnus (2018), Nawabshah, Pakistan

“Four days back, I had a sore throat with a dry cough. Don’t know what it was...don’t want to know. Never had I imagined that I as a clinician would experience this feeling. A feeling similar to that of a soldier who is walking through  a minefield, trying to clear it. Fearful of the unknown, bound by his duty, filled with love for the nation he serves. Knowing that it could result in self-destruction.”

- Faseeha Sohail, PGD alumnus (2016), Karachi, Pakistan

“Some doctors have been exposed and sent into isolation. We are managing emergencies with very few doctors. The story doesn't end here, after going home with all my fears and overworked, tired body there are household chores waiting for me. All this is affecting my mental health. Everything is locked down. I cannot go out or take my family anywhere. Staying at home seems depressing and frustrating.”

- Rabia Jamil, PGD student (2020), Karachi, Pakistan

“The daily mental stress when I reach home after a hectic day at the forefront of this battle is definitely draining me; it is the fear of my exposure to the virus and possible transmission to my loved ones. My father, aged 70 plus, lives alone in his house. The vulnerability, his age, his physical condition, the lockdown and accessibility of goods for him aggravates my stress level on a daily basis.”

- Sara Salman, PGD student (2020), Karachi, Pakistan

“In mid-March my hospital decided to start OPD services for screening and testing Coronavirus infected patients. The infectious diseases department which I head was assigned to lead the facility. Two weeks passed and the OPD seemed a quiet one with patients coming in but no correlation to the disease so far. I started thinking about theories like ‘we don’t have that severe disease,’ ‘ours is a hot country where viruses would not survive,’ etc. etc.

It was one of those lazy afternoons; Zareena was brought to the OPD by her nephew. Meanwhile our designated nurse checked her oxygen levels as a routine. After a while I noticed some whispering among the nurses. One of them came to me and said that Zareena’s oxygen level is very low. I rechecked the probe three times and to my surprise her oxygen level was dangerously low. I decided to admit her in the ICU. Next day her test came out positive.

- Asma Nasim, PGD alumnus (2014), Karachi, Pakistan

“The novel coronavirus could not have come at a better time for me. Isolation with a broken arm has opened time to delve deeply, surgically, into myself, into the science of a clearer mind and the spirituality of a clearer heart. It is a journey that takes time. Finally, time is exactly what I have in plenty. Time to be human again. To dispense of titles and identities and the mindless running after illusions of control and perfection. There is more peace now, more space inside. And as I look lovingly at the faces of those on the frontlines, bruised and fissured by the grip of N95s, I send prayers of fortitude and compassion. Time to stop, walk outside and join the cardinal in its solitary song.”

- Shazia Malik, MBE alumnus (2013), Toronto, Canada

“In this present COVID-19 epidemic, when the world has come to a halt and people have been restricted to the confines of their home, the threat of extinction is pretty much thrown at our face. We are faced with a real existential crisis. In our struggles to deal with death anxiety we are trying even more to get back to the usual life because that provides a perfect escape from the familiar but discounted fear of being thrown into the dungeons of anonymity.”

- Faisal Rashid Khan, PGD alumnus (2014), Islamabad, Pakistan

“In the UAE, lockdown started in March 2020 and is still going on. The roads that used to be full of traffic are now empty, malls are closed, beaches are deserted and there is an eerie silence around us. There is fear and uncertainty. This confinement is changing us psychologically as well as physically (as cooking and baking are favourite pastimes). My patients want to talk more, a lot more than usual, asking questions not only about their diseases but most of them ask at the end of conversation, “Doctor, what is the situation now? When will this end?”

- Sarwat Nasreen, PGD alumnus (2010), Dubai, UAE

“I soon realized that I would not be able to travel for my studies at SIUT in Pakistan. Having a lot of time on my hands, I figured I could volunteer to oversee some work on my family’s farm which is located in a remote town on the border of Kenya and Tanzania. I had booked a train back home but on the day I was supposed to go back the cities of Mombasa and Nairobi were put on lockdown due to the rising number of cases.

- Teresia Maina, PGD student (2020), Mombasa, Kenya

“It is awkward to meet relatives, friends, former schoolmates and college mates on the streets or shopping malls because you can’t shake their hands, you can’t run to them to hug them, you have to keep a 1 metre distance.

- James Nguya, PGD alumnus (2018), Nairobi, Kenya

“The Government of Kenya is encouraging employers to allow staff to work from home. This has necessitated a difficult balance between what is best for my staff and what is best for my business. I must admit, making good business decisions in achieving this balance has been a moral struggle.  Respect for persons requires allowing each employee to decide what is best for them factoring in their circumstances and individual vulnerability. A paternalistic approach would be to make an executive decision in the best interest of the health and wellbeing of my staff requiring all staff to work from home. However, ours is a small enterprise whose cash flow depends on the ability to provide services. Besides putting the business in a difficult financial position, both approaches could perpetuate inequities among employees.”

- Melba Katindi, PGD student (2020), Nairobi, Kenya

“What is the measure of a man or woman? For sure by the end of this pandemic and it will end, this question will have been asked and answered many times over. I am writing this piece seated across my husband in the front yard of our house. Before COVID-19 this was a rare occurrence. It is long since I have heard him laugh, now it is almost a daily occurrence. My children on the other hand are quite discombobulated. The one who would stay in the house for days is now leaving the house almost compulsively, whereas the one who was always on the go has to be forced to go for a walk. The last born has withdrawn into herself and has to be coaxed out of her shell. What about me? Well in some ways I am in my element. I can exercise my role of a mother and wife to the fullest, cooking, serving, eating with my family. I have more time to attend to my other passions like gardening, reading and listening to books at leisure. I have however noticed that I have low grade anxiety, nothing that keeps me up at night or interferes with my appetite but more like the sword of Damocles, hovering in the background. What is the source of this anxiety, a feeling of a loss of order and control? A new world order where I cannot attend a baby shower, the birth of a baby, a wedding, a funeral, a burial.  Who am I without the “we”? I am because we are and we are because I am. This is all I have known.”

- Caroline Kithinji, MBE alumnus (2017), Nairobi, Kenya